I'm digging a deep grave in the ground, throwing all of my insecurities inside, piling on fresh soil and a layer of new seeds. This is the end of an era and the beginning of a new one. It's the first day of my journey and I'm already reaping the benefits of being immersed! My biggest fear coming into this was that I'd understand everything my host mom said but not know how to respond to anything. Imagine a cold, dark world with no ability to use your voice; where every conversation is full of awkward silences and misunderstandings and "je ne comprends pas"...or worse, "je ne comprends rien". That was the plot of my nightmares. In truth, taking two years off of studying French after four straight years of it in high school was really damaging to my confidence in the oral facet of the language. (Side note: I've struggled a bit in that area the past two years of picking up the language again, whereas everything came back to me from high school in terms of reading, listening comprehension, and writing...anywho, I digress...). I have been unsure up until today whether I would ever regain what was lost, but I have seen a new glimmer of hope.
Insecurity crept in when I met my host mom for the first time (is she going to punish me if I make a subject-verb agreement/ conjugation/gender/pronunciation/wrong word choice/sentence structure error?...sad, I know. But your thoughts run amok when what you want to do for the rest of your life is put to the test of whether it's actually a real skill). I felt relieved when she said yes when I asked her if she spoke English. Then, as we're talking I'm realizing that English is not NEARLY as fun, nor is it why I'm here.
So we get home, eat a great déjeuner, then she gives me some time to nap. Afterwards, she wanted to show me around town so we walked and talked (in French now). I made the realization that I'm in love with the architecture and just about everything here. Then I had a revelation that I'm speaking French without really thinking about what to say. Words are just pouring out of my mouth and once I'm in the flow of conversation, my brain doesn't let me over-think or over-analyze anything and the dialogue between Sylvie (my host mom) and I just becomes natural! This continues into dinner time. We ate chicken in a creamy sauce and what tasted to me like green-tea flavored mashed potatoes. (I know they probably were not green-tea flavored, but I was digging it, so I stayed content with my unlikely theory). I didn't ask what vegetables she made them with because by now we were in a deep conversation en français about how languages are formed out of a country's specific culture. That's why there are terms in certain languages that do not exist in others. She gave me the example of how the Russians have a word that defines a specific emotion. Other languages can explain the emotion in a convoluted way, but they don't have a precise word for it. It was at this point that I threw the soil on top of the grave of my insecurities! I jumped into the discussion, giving the example of how the French have a word for the soft, white, inside part of the baguette (called la mie), and that is due to the full-force bread culture here. I think Sylvie was impressed with my input, because she then told me that I have a really strong foundation of conversational French, advanced vocabulary, knowledge of when to use different verb tenses, and that I'm at a level where what I write wouldn't have too many errors (like students she has hosted in the past) and that she'd love to look over my work! I. could. not. believe. it. One point: me. Zero points: insecurities. Now the world isn't a cold, dark place! Well, still extremely cold...but not dark because everything is wonderful and sunny in the South of France. :)
Insecurity crept in when I met my host mom for the first time (is she going to punish me if I make a subject-verb agreement/ conjugation/gender/pronunciation/wrong word choice/sentence structure error?...sad, I know. But your thoughts run amok when what you want to do for the rest of your life is put to the test of whether it's actually a real skill). I felt relieved when she said yes when I asked her if she spoke English. Then, as we're talking I'm realizing that English is not NEARLY as fun, nor is it why I'm here.
So we get home, eat a great déjeuner, then she gives me some time to nap. Afterwards, she wanted to show me around town so we walked and talked (in French now). I made the realization that I'm in love with the architecture and just about everything here. Then I had a revelation that I'm speaking French without really thinking about what to say. Words are just pouring out of my mouth and once I'm in the flow of conversation, my brain doesn't let me over-think or over-analyze anything and the dialogue between Sylvie (my host mom) and I just becomes natural! This continues into dinner time. We ate chicken in a creamy sauce and what tasted to me like green-tea flavored mashed potatoes. (I know they probably were not green-tea flavored, but I was digging it, so I stayed content with my unlikely theory). I didn't ask what vegetables she made them with because by now we were in a deep conversation en français about how languages are formed out of a country's specific culture. That's why there are terms in certain languages that do not exist in others. She gave me the example of how the Russians have a word that defines a specific emotion. Other languages can explain the emotion in a convoluted way, but they don't have a precise word for it. It was at this point that I threw the soil on top of the grave of my insecurities! I jumped into the discussion, giving the example of how the French have a word for the soft, white, inside part of the baguette (called la mie), and that is due to the full-force bread culture here. I think Sylvie was impressed with my input, because she then told me that I have a really strong foundation of conversational French, advanced vocabulary, knowledge of when to use different verb tenses, and that I'm at a level where what I write wouldn't have too many errors (like students she has hosted in the past) and that she'd love to look over my work! I. could. not. believe. it. One point: me. Zero points: insecurities. Now the world isn't a cold, dark place! Well, still extremely cold...but not dark because everything is wonderful and sunny in the South of France. :)