Hi readers! If you didn't know, Aix is one of the sunniest towns in France, with rain only coming 60 days out of the year. Well today is one of those 60, and it also happens to be my "month-iversary" in France. (No gifts, please.) Cue depressed emotions about time going too fast and not being able to make it slow down.......here.
But in all seriousness, it's a weirdly perfect time to think about what's gone on since I landed in Paris four weeks ago. So much has changed from the moment I walked off that plane: I eat different foods, I've made lasting friendships with people I didn't even know existed before, and I've fallen head-over-heels in love with Aix. In a slow but steady process, I've found my favorite French cheeses. I've bought WAY too many clothes in order to look more French, imitating the styles of French students as I go. And I'm starting to feel Aix take me under her wing, allowing me to blend more into the town as I go. (I think I used that metaphor in the last blog...oh well.)
I'm starting to think differently too.
I'm starting to think differently too.
I've become so much more self-aware in these past four weeks. Even though I'm surrounded by some of the best Americans in the world at IAU, I can't help but begin to think about how different we are from the French. Our customs, the way we live our daily lives, the way we dress, even the way we speak French is completely different from a true French person. And as many clothes as I buy or colloquial phrases I learn, I'm realizing I will never truly be as French as someone who was born and raised in this culture. And, being someone who takes a lot pride in her French heritage, I'm a little disappointed I didn't grow up here in the first place. I'm disappointed I didn't appreciate how important my heritage was when I was younger, and learning the language was easier. I'm kicking myself for not coming to France sooner, staying longer, and honestly rejecting my American culture a little bit more.
I guess we all have a vision of who we would want to be if things were different. If I had all the controls before I was even born, and I were able to plan out my life perfectly, never missing a step. If becoming the person my 10-year-old self aspired to be was as easy as putting on my favorite dress and feeling like a million bucks. Sometimes, I dream of a world where everyone gets a map detailing every major milestone in their lives, how to get there, and what choices need to be made in order to achieve their biggest goals. Or a world where we were all as lucky (but hopefully more mature than) Timmy Turner, with fairy godparents to grant us every wish on command. Of course, we'd have "Da Rules" and Jorgen Von Strangle to put up with, but bear with me here.
Sadly, we can't all be Timmy Turner. My shy and awkward 10-year-old self never would have dreamed of studying abroad for an entire semester, let alone leaving home at all. And I don't know what's going to happen today, or a month from now, or five years from now. All I can derive from are my past experiences at home, at Fairfield, and in Aix for the past month. There's no guidebook on how to have the perfect study abroad experience, because everyone is just too different from each other. I can't give anyone secrets on how to make the most of their time in Aix, because there is no secret. All I can do is share my stories and hope that somebody gets something out of it.
If you learn anything from this blog - learn this: there is no roadmap to doing anything. If you want a map so badly, draw one yourself. You can't steal someone else's plan and assume to have everything fall into place. Everyone has their own personal stories, but they've made those stories themselves, with their own 5 senses, and no one telling them how to become exactly who they want to be. We all want to go back home with incredible tales to instill envy upon anyone who ever dared make fun of us for going to France, but we're not going to get them if we keep obsessing over the day-to-day experiences we're naïve enough to think we can plan out.
It's okay to be lost, it's okay to be scared, and it's okay to have no idea what you're doing, because those times of complete desperation can make some of the best stories. And your own stories are always the BEST stories, because they're yours. No one can take them from you, and no one can make a photocopy of your life and call it their own. Letting go of the expectations you had in your head is terrifying, but it's also incredibly liberating.
Just take a deep breath...
...and let the rain fall over you.
À bientôt, Cristelle
I guess we all have a vision of who we would want to be if things were different. If I had all the controls before I was even born, and I were able to plan out my life perfectly, never missing a step. If becoming the person my 10-year-old self aspired to be was as easy as putting on my favorite dress and feeling like a million bucks. Sometimes, I dream of a world where everyone gets a map detailing every major milestone in their lives, how to get there, and what choices need to be made in order to achieve their biggest goals. Or a world where we were all as lucky (but hopefully more mature than) Timmy Turner, with fairy godparents to grant us every wish on command. Of course, we'd have "Da Rules" and Jorgen Von Strangle to put up with, but bear with me here.
Sadly, we can't all be Timmy Turner. My shy and awkward 10-year-old self never would have dreamed of studying abroad for an entire semester, let alone leaving home at all. And I don't know what's going to happen today, or a month from now, or five years from now. All I can derive from are my past experiences at home, at Fairfield, and in Aix for the past month. There's no guidebook on how to have the perfect study abroad experience, because everyone is just too different from each other. I can't give anyone secrets on how to make the most of their time in Aix, because there is no secret. All I can do is share my stories and hope that somebody gets something out of it.
If you learn anything from this blog - learn this: there is no roadmap to doing anything. If you want a map so badly, draw one yourself. You can't steal someone else's plan and assume to have everything fall into place. Everyone has their own personal stories, but they've made those stories themselves, with their own 5 senses, and no one telling them how to become exactly who they want to be. We all want to go back home with incredible tales to instill envy upon anyone who ever dared make fun of us for going to France, but we're not going to get them if we keep obsessing over the day-to-day experiences we're naïve enough to think we can plan out.
It's okay to be lost, it's okay to be scared, and it's okay to have no idea what you're doing, because those times of complete desperation can make some of the best stories. And your own stories are always the BEST stories, because they're yours. No one can take them from you, and no one can make a photocopy of your life and call it their own. Letting go of the expectations you had in your head is terrifying, but it's also incredibly liberating.
Just take a deep breath...
...and let the rain fall over you.
À bientôt, Cristelle