Cliquez ici poWow thanks Jess for actually letting me be a blogger. I missed the deadlines for basically every single pre-departure document and I thought I had already depleted her entire reserve of goodwill.
To be fair, other than the excuse of spotty internet access, I am a second semester Senior and really I can't be bothered to be responsible for literally anything, even if it’s for something so amazing it’s almost like a gift wow—a semester in Aix-en-Provence. As in, this semester will be perfect and wonderful in the following ways:
-France
-the weatherrrr no more trying to make Yaktrax™ fashionable sexy for the modern woman
-eating
-30km to nearest beach. Literally crying. Bike trip?
-A host family who will give me the love and security and affection missing from dysfunctional biological family
-“Meeting new people”
-Mountains!!!
-Both having the closure of leaving Macalester with my class, and a half year of being protected from having to think about THE REAL WORLD while getting to take classes I'm so freaking psyched for like Photography and Global Environmental Politics
thx bros ヽ(*^ー^)人(・_・)ノ To be fair, other than the excuse of spotty internet access, I am a second semester Senior and really I can't be bothered to be responsible for literally anything, even if it’s for something so amazing it’s almost like a gift wow—a semester in Aix-en-Provence. As in, this semester will be perfect and wonderful in the following ways:
-France
-the weatherrrr no more trying to make Yaktrax™ fashionable sexy for the modern woman
-eating
-30km to nearest beach. Literally crying. Bike trip?
-A host family who will give me the love and security and affection missing from dysfunctional biological family
-“Meeting new people”
-Mountains!!!
-Both having the closure of leaving Macalester with my class, and a half year of being protected from having to think about THE REAL WORLD while getting to take classes I'm so freaking psyched for like Photography and Global Environmental Politics
Sounds too good to be true!! And it happened like this:
For my major, International Studies, I am required to study abroad. Mislead by some information I received from THE INTERNET (how), I thought I could get my visa in China while also spending Chinese new year with my gammaw, but that turned out to be too good to be true. So, after another round of paper work, my amazing super cool adventure where I stuff my face with cheese everyday (officially, Operation Facecheese) was rescheduled to Fall 2013.
Getting a visa was not much easier this time around. Again I had over-idealized how the timing would work out, and planned on going to my visa appointment the Monday after I arrive in Chicago, then staying with some friends until I get my passport back. A week or two tops.
Instead, my CampusFrance mailbox stayed despairingly empty for days after I started my overstay at the AEPi frat house.
But!! Finally!! It happened! It’s happening!
And….I should be excited. I should be happy. Everyone asks me when I leave for France. I tell them, but I don’t want to talk about it.
The problem with getting to go to the beach and eat delicious food and hanging out with new fun beautiful people—the problem with being protected from THE REAL WORLD for just a little while longer while having the closure of having left college is that it feels like I don’t deserve it.
I’ve been spending my summer working on a project that explores alternative forms of operation and education. This is not to say I’m a martyr and//or doing good for the world. I’m mostly doing very little, doing not enough, not doing anything at all. This is only that I feel in a visceral, physically uncomfortable way how much there is to fight and fight for in the world. And//or, more practically, there is all the anxiety I am socially obligated to feel--a job, loans, not disappointing my parents, figuring out my life. Bringing honour to my family. Classes on subjects that I want to explore seem like nothing less than a luxury. The prospect of lying on a beach fills me mostly with a lot guilt. I am still excited for eating cheese.
Sometimes it feels like if I didn’t have to do this, I wouldn’t, like I would give up this whole opportunity because it seems too good to be true. In a bad way.(/?)
But this exactly that: an opportunity. It is not just an opportunity to have loads of fun, it is also an opportunity to learn or really for anything at all. It is also an opportunity in the way that not everyone will have this opportunity. I guess mostly I am just so incredibly lucky I get to do this program. And if I’m the one that has it, the most responsible thing I can do is to enjoy it. To bike to the beach. To climb the mountains. TO EAT THE CHEESE.
So here is my blog. Hopefully it will be at least a new perspective and absolute and probably an uncomfortable amount of honesty, from a cynical, irresponsible, 2nd semester senior who is afraid to enjoy herself, while I try to find some balance between all the things I want to do and all the things I need myself to do. Also anything else that comes up.
btw I really want to do that packing list thing everyone is doing but I haven’t packed yet T_T How big of a winter coat are you bringing? My sense of dressing for the weather is permanently destroyed. ur modifier.ur modifier.
Sometimes it feels like if I didn’t have to do this, I wouldn’t, like I would give up this whole opportunity because it seems too good to be true. In a bad way.(/?)
But this exactly that: an opportunity. It is not just an opportunity to have loads of fun, it is also an opportunity to learn or really for anything at all. It is also an opportunity in the way that not everyone will have this opportunity. I guess mostly I am just so incredibly lucky I get to do this program. And if I’m the one that has it, the most responsible thing I can do is to enjoy it. To bike to the beach. To climb the mountains. TO EAT THE CHEESE.
So here is my blog. Hopefully it will be at least a new perspective and absolute and probably an uncomfortable amount of honesty, from a cynical, irresponsible, 2nd semester senior who is afraid to enjoy herself, while I try to find some balance between all the things I want to do and all the things I need myself to do. Also anything else that comes up.
btw I really want to do that packing list thing everyone is doing but I haven’t packed yet T_T How big of a winter coat are you bringing? My sense of dressing for the weather is permanently destroyed. ur modifier.ur modifier.